everything you left behind
by abigail-in-space
Summary: The Metacrisis Doctor is staying with Rose Tyler forever. But Rose has a secret that she doesn't know how to tell and Jackie doesn't know how to keep.
1. Chapter 1

The next thing Rose was aware of after the TARDIS disappeared was the Doctor grabbing her hand. She looked up at him, eyes wide and curious. "He's really gone isn't he?" she asked. Then, she looked back to the spot where the TARDIS had just been. "No more looking for him. No more fighting, he's just... gone."

"I'm still here," he answered her softly.

Despite herself, Rose smiled and once more looked into his eyes. Same face, same memories, same eyes. They searched hers desperately, looking for some sign of approval. "Yeah, you're still here." She shifted closer and grabbed his arm with her free hand. As she was about to say "Let's go home," she caught herself. If he really was still the Doctor, nowhere would be home except the TARDIS, and that was gone forever. Whatever her home was now, would he want it? Maybe he would in the moment, but what about long term? Shaking the troubling thought out of her head, she opted for. "S'pose we ought to head back."

"Right you are," he said with a nod. Then he smiled wide, and when he said the next words, they sounded like a prayer. "Rose Tyler."

She blinked several times as she returned the smile, fighting off tears that stemmed unknown from one of the many emotions that were pulsing through her heart and head. Together, they turned to where Jackie was waiting by the car.

"Right, you two hop in the back, and I'll drive," Jackie said. "I wanna get the first flight back home tomorrow morning. Lord knows the kind of fuss Tony's been throwing since we've been gone. He clings to Rose like she's water in a desert, I tell ya. And I've been telling her that she's got to let him sleep on his own, but she doesn't. She never listens to me about this kind of thing."

"Mum," Rose interrupted sharply. Her stomach had dropped at the mention of Tony. Jackie was smart, but she could be careless, too. If she went on talking about Tony for too long, she might end up giving something away.

"Right, sorry," Jackie said, settling into the driver's seat.

The Doctor quirked his brow but said nothing and collapsed against Rose in the back seat.

The road to the motel was silent, filled only with the feeling of the Doctor's hand. It wasn't long before the Doctor slept for the first time since he had been born, head on Rose's shoulder. He snored a little bit which was new, but not unpleasant. It reminded her every two seconds that he was really there and he wasn't leaving. Not yet, anyway.

Jackie checked the rearview mirror and sighed. "You've got to tell him eventually, sweetheart," she said, breaking the silence.

"How can I?" Rose questioned. "I lied to him, and I let him believe it for years. I don't even know what he'll say."

"You did what you had to do, and if I know the Doctor, he'll understand that," Jackie insisted.

"Just," Rose sighed, holding her hand up defensively. "Just don't say anything. I'll tell him when I think he's ready."

Jackie rolled her eyes. "When you're ready, you mean. Which will be never."

Unwilling to argue anymore, Rose rested her cheek against the Doctor's soft, brown hair and hummed. "Let's just go home," she said, and promptly fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Rose woke again when she felt the car come to a stop. Jackie had driven them to the small bed and breakfast where they were to put up for the night. She gently shook the Doctor awake and called his name. His eyelids fluttered open, and he looked up at Rose looking half dazed.

"Been asleep a while," she pointed out in a whisper.

"Never been so tired before," the Doctor groaned in response, rubbing his eyes. He managed to give Rose a weak, exhausted smile as he reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze.

Together, they exited the car while Jackie went ahead of them to get the rooms. She came back out promptly with two keys in her hand. "I'll bet you're both tired," she said, pressing one of the keys into Rose's hand. "Got you a room upstairs. Just for the night. I'll have one of the boys take your trunk upstairs."

"Thanks, mum," Rose said at the same time the Doctor said, "Thank you, Jackie."

Hand in hand, they slumped up to their room like zombies, still exhausted from the task of saving the universe one last time. The minute they were inside, the Doctor's free hand rose to the back of Rose's neck and pulled her in to kiss her forehead. "I'm going to shower," he told her. "Won't be long."

Rose nodded and sat on the edge of the bed as the Doctor made his way to the bathroom. All alone, she found time to think, and she found that Jackie's words were all the occupied her thoughts. Her mother was right, of course. She'd have to tell him sometime. After all, it would be obvious when they finally got home and the Doctor grasped the situation. And if she hadn't told him by then. . . He'd have every right to hate her.

The bellboy came in with her trunk and left with a tip. She rifled through it to find her pyjamas, changed, and slipped under the covers of the bed, facing the bathroom door. When the Doctor came out, she would tell him, she determined.

It seemed like an eternity before the Doctor finally emerged from the bathroom, wearing his maroon undershirt and navy blue boxer shorts. His hair still looked damp. He settled on top of the covers next to Rose, still sitting up. "Still sleep on the left side of the bed?"

"Never got out of the habit," Rose explained, reaching for the Doctor's hand. It seemed she couldn't let go of it, like he was going to disappear again if she did.

The Doctor lay down, rolled onto his side, and brushed her hair back from her face. "You have a lot of questions, don't you?"

Rose shrugged. Yes, she had questions, but it was what she had to tell him that was giving her a headache at the present moment. "They can wait," she yawned.

"Rose?"

She hummed in response.

Then, he was kissing her. His hand left hers to grip her waist, drawing her close to him as he pressed desperate, exasperated, and painfully slow kisses to her lips, her eyelids, her forehead. It was needy, but not of a sexual kind. It was like he was drinking her in, trying to drown. It was second nature, instinct, for her hands to go to his hair, and it was only when those hands trailed down to his jaw that she realized he was crying.

"Hey, hey," she whispered as she pulled away. "Doctor, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he answered with a smile and a choked voice. "What could be wrong?"

She didn't respond. There were a lot of things she could think of that might be wrong. He didn't have a TARDIS. He only had one heart. He was going to die one day. And that's not even scratching the surface of what he didn't know. So, instead of answering, she only shrugged.

"I have you, Rose," the Doctor said. "I have you, and I'm not going anywhere."

And the promise melted her.. "Neither am I," she answered, smiling through the tears that threatened to leak out of her eyes. It was her turn to kiss him, softly and with the promise of a lifetime of such moments. But she was tired, and so was he. So, she fell asleep with her head tucked under his chin, and his arm draped over her.


	3. Chapter 3

It was raining by breakfast time. Raining and thundering. And Rose and the Doctor met a very irritated Jackie at the breakfast bar.

"You've got to be joking," she said, watching the telly. "All flights delayed out of the airport, y'see? No gettin' back home today, I reckon."

With a pang, Rose's thoughts drifted to Tony and her dad, all alone and waiting for them to return. And yet she couldn't help but feel a little relief at the thought of extra time. It was time she could use to build up the nerve to tell him that secret she had carried with her since Bad Wolf Bay.

"What do you think, Rose?" the Doctor questioned. She, of course, had missed the whole conversation.

"Hmm?" she hummed in response.

Under the table, the Doctor's fingers brushed against hers. "I was saying we could go around town, look at the shops. I love shops."

She stared at him incredulously. "It's pouring outside," Rose reminded him.

He smirked. "When has a little weather ever stopped you, Rose Tyler? I seem to recall an incident on Nimbius, where it's always raining by the way, where you marched straight out onto the planet in nothing but a white sundress and a smile and-"

Rose began to choke on her toast. Not that story. Not in front of her mum.

The Doctor seemed to remember where that story went, and he got a faraway look in his eye as his words trailed off. Clearing his throat, he said, "Well, never mind what happened. What do you say to going out?"

She hesitated. Oh, she wanted to yes. Wanted to so much it hurt. But how could she go on acting like everything was fine for a whole afternoon? "I, um. . . I think I'm going to call Dad," she muttered. "Check on Tony. . ."

It almost felt like she was running the way she retreated back to the room. True to her word, she dialed Pete the minute she was inside. If anyone was to understand her predicament, it was him.

_"Hullo, Rose?"_ Pete's voice came from the other end after one ring.

"Dad, hi," Rose said, closing her eyes from relief. "We got back in-universe yesterday."

_"Oh. . . okay. You're comin' to pick up Tony, then?"_

Rose shifted her weight. "Um, not exactly. Sort of a change of plans. Why? Is he giving you trouble?"

_"No, no, he's fine. But, change of plans? What d'ya mean? You not leaving?"_

A knock on the door. It creaked open to reveal a solemn-faced Doctor.

"Um, I'll explain later, Dad," Rose said, watching as the Doctor walked into the room and put his hands in his trouser pockets. His eyes never left hers all the while. "I'll call you back in a bit, okay?" She hung up without waiting for an answer.

The silence in the room was unbearable as the Doctor seemed to be trying to think up something to say. Finally, he seemed to settle on something as he took a breath and began. "I want to hear your questions," he said.

Rose shrugged and turned away. "I said that they can wait," she reminded him.

"But they shouldn't," he returned. He gave her a pointed look. The meaning was clear. _I know you're worried about things you haven't told me. And I know you're afraid._

Oh, but he couldn't. He couldn't know just how afraid she truly was. "M'fine," she insisted.

"Rose." And, oh, he said it so softly. So fully. His eyes so full of the desire to be open and seen and known.

Rose swallowed hard against the sob building in her throat but to no avail. Tears pricked at her eyes, spilled over onto her face for the Doctor to see.

"Hey, hey, hey," the Doctor said, and in two strides he was right next to her. His hands were on either side of her face, his thumbs brushing at her cheeks. When the tears were wiped away, he gathered her into his arms and just held her.

And then she was persuaded. She did have questions, and if he wanted to hear them, she would oblige.


	4. Chapter 4

"How are you going to adapt to having a human body?"

The Doctor blinked. "What's that?"

Rose shrugged. "I dunno. It's just that you've always said that having one heart is miserable, and now you're stuck with it."

He considered it a moment. "I don't think I notice it, really. That's weird. I hadn't thought about that."

Rose shook her head. "How is that even possible? I know you, and you don't just not notice. And you don't just not think about it."

The Doctor nodded, but it looked like a nod for her benefit. He knew what was going on, and he was only pretending he didn't so she could listen to him "figure it out." To his credit, it _had _always been a comfort to Rose to hear him ramble about what neither of them could fully understand. It was when he knew precisely the trouble they were in that things started to get dicey. "Yeah, yeah, that's a good point," he muttered.

She raised her eyebrows and tilted her head, instructing him to go on.

"I think," the Doctor continued. "It's that bit of Donna that leaked over into my consciousness. That human part of my mind is telling me that having one heart is okay. That and with a part-human body, it doesn't hurt like it would in a fully Time Lord body."

A reasonable explanation, Rose guessed. But his answer brought another question. "So, how much of you is Donna? And how much of you is you?"

"I'm mostly me," he assured her quickly. He had been expecting that question, apparently. "She might slip out sometimes in phrases or mannerisms, but I'm still the Doctor. It's the only reason my mind isn't..." A faraway look passed into his eyes. The kind of look he got when he thought about lost things.

It scared Rose a little. "Your mind isn't what?"

The Doctor snapped back into reality. "Never mind about that, Rose," he said a little too brightly to be real. "The point is that I'm still me. Just like I was when I lost the big ears and the big nose." He gave her a little playful nudge.

She offered a smile in return. It wasn't bright, but it was genuine. "I know I'm going to have other questions," she told him.

"I know that, too."

"But," she continued. "I don't wanna interrogate you. I just want to live with you and learn about you."

The Doctor nodded. "We'll be together the whole way," he promised. "Just like we always talked about."

Rose felt a pang as the guilt she carried with her sprung up. He had no questions for her. He just trusted her explicitly and promised to stay with her without knowing the whole truth. It was time he knew. She opened her mouth to speak.

"Oh, look," the Doctor said, turning his gaze to the window behind her. "The rain's let up. We could go to the shops after all." He turned back to Rose. "That is if you want to."

How could she refuse? He was doing so much for her already in the less than twenty-four hours he'd been with her. So, she smiled and nodded. "I'll be down in just a bit."

The Doctor smiled, kissed her forehead, and bounded downstairs without another word.

Rose sighed as he left, the nerve to be truthful escaping with the breath. Tonight, she reasoned, she would tell him. Flights would most likely resume within a day so it had to happen soon.

She switched on the phone that was still in her hand and sent a text to her dad. _Tell Tony that Mummy says she'll be home soon._


End file.
